Thursday, March 31, 2011

Banished to beyond the double doors

At the beginning of the school year, I was among the privileged few, allowed to walk into the classroom.

In the mornings, when I walked my son to school, we'd see parents dropping off their kids from their cars. But my son wasn't interested in that. He wanted me to park, to walk with him into the school, into the classroom. We held hands. He waved a sleepy goodbye.

By the beginning of the second semester, things had changed a bit. I still parked, but I had been relegated to the hallway. I wasn't supposed to come in - unless there was a very good reason. Even then, I'd sometimes get a mortified look and a whisper. "Mom! What are you doing in here?"

A few weeks ago, I lost the hand. I understood. He was in second grade, after all, and his friends were around. He didn't want to be seen holding hands with mommy, after all.

But today, I was banished - to outside the double doors. I was unprepared for this one. It stung.

"Can't I come inside with you?" I asked, a little plaintively.
"No," he said decisively. "I'm fine." And he turned and walked away without looking back.

I waited, watching to make sure he turned into his classroom door. He did, of course, just like he had every other day this year.

I walked away quickly, my head down. Suddenly, the schoolyard didn't seem such a happy place anymore. I fell in behind two moms also walking back to their cars.

"Well, at least you got a hug," one of them said to the other.
The other one laughed. "True," she said. "But I don't know how much longer that'll last."

Maybe I'll laugh about it, too. Tomorrow.


  1. Awwww. I know those days are coming too.

  2. I'm still sad to leave Max with my Mom for a couple of hours..... how will I ever handle school??

  3. I know this hurts--a lot! However, you can be proud of yourself, too, that you have raised a child who is becoming independent--just so long as he doesn't race ahead of his age..

  4. I got teary eyed reading your post. My daughter is 6, and already I'm dreading the day when she would no longer run into my arms with a big smile plastered on her face, shouting, "Mommy!!!" whenever I pick her up from school.

    It seems like only yesterday that I complained to my friends about needing some mommy alone time, away from my attached at the hips little baby girl. Now, every night, as I tucked her in bed and watched her sleeping, I can't help but wish my little baby girl never grows up.

  5. Hi, all!

    Thank you for all the REALLY NICE comments! I feel much better today ... I think I was just taken by surprise yesterday. I need a little TIME to prepare for this independence!!!

    And I DO want my boy to be indedendent; I want him to be confident and happy. But like we all said, it's just hard to adjust your role and realize maybe you're not the center of the universe anymore.

    I will say this: Even though I've been banished at school, I'm still VERY POPULAR at home - even with my 12 year old. (And I'm exceptionally popular when I bring movies and popcorn). We still all snuggle together and giggle and act completely goofy.

    I'm NEVER letting them grow out of that. : )